Balancing life as a working mummy

I have a whole range of emotions, thoughts and feelings towards this subject. But the truth is, its hard. I’m a young mum, currently only 20 years old, so a 9 month maternity leave was not a option for me. I wasn’t ready financially for a baby, but you know what, we took it in our stride, got our heads down and dealt with it!

I’m a beauty therapist, I work part time for myself, but I also work 3 days a week as an office manager for my Dad’s business, which if anyone else works for their family, they will know, that in itself is a 24/7 job. My first client after Harley was born was about a week or so later. I have always had this guilt I carry with me, was it too soon? I want to give Harley-Ray the best life we possibly can, which in our family will require us both to be working.

It has enabled us to do so much more, the extra income has enabled us to have nice clothes, holidays, days out and do lots of nice things. It’s so hard to see mum’s with their babies, spending every day with them. I always worry that I’m missing out on his life, his ‘Firsts’. I worry that it makes me a bad mum not being in his life all the time.

The hardest part is leaving him, dropping him off to whoever is looking after him (usually his grandma’s), but you know the best part.. walking back through that door and seeing the biggest smile on his face. I know then that everything I do for us as a family is worth it.

Of course, as well as working, I’m also a mother and a house wife. I have all the chores to do, the washing, the cleaning, the shopping etc. Some times I feel like just hiding away from the world, pretending all these jobs don’t need doing, but its just not that easy. Being a mum isn’t easy. But becoming a parent, means you take on a whole lot more responsibility, so as much as sometimes I would love to stay in bed and hide away, I have to put on my positive pants and get on with life. My life is no way perfect, my house is not always clean, and my dishes aren’t always done.

I have recently been feeling really down about this subject, Harley-Ray’s personality is coming out more and I want to spend every minute I can with him, and because of that I’m finding it really hard to leave him. I have also been having doubts about continuing my career in Beauty Therapy, so I think I’m going to take a few months out. Continue to work for my father, but spend some quality time with my baby boy and decide what path I now want to take in life.

My Birth Story- Welcome to the world

I was so excited to meet my little one, as are we all, along with the feelings of ‘I’m so done with being pregnant and I want this baby out now’. Having SPD (Symphsis Pubis Dysfunction) made the pregnancy a lot harder than I ever imagined. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t get comfy, often id find myself sat down just crying because of the pain. I never thought it would go away, but sure enough as soon as he arrived it disappeared.

It was a Thursday, a lot seems to happen on a Thursday to me, coincidentally if you read my previous post, I also found out I was pregnant on a Thursday! As soon as I hit 37 weeks, I was determined to try everything to get this baby out. You name it, I tried it. I would sit bouncing on my balls for hours on end, but that was definitely not working. I remember going to my midwife appointment at 36+4 and she said ill see you next week, my reply was ‘ I wont be coming to that appointment because ill have had him by then’- and so I did!

In the early afternoon, I sat doing my mum’s and godmother’s (Tracey) nails. They were off to New York on the Saturday Morning. I kept getting tightening feelings in my tummy, I wasn’t sure if they were contractions because I don’t think you really know what to expect with your first baby. That night we had a ‘romantic night in’, if you know what I mean, apparently best way to get them out is to do a bit of what got them in there, lol! I had a hot bath, and the tightening’s were getting more frequent and stronger. I called the hospital around 10pm and they told me to wait till they were so many contractions in 5 minutes. I waited and I timed, I called and waited a little more. Until about 3am when I called them again and got the go ahead to go into hospital. During the car ride in I was feeling a whole range of emotions. We would be walking in to this hospital and walking out as a family of three. But on the other hand, I was walking in to the unknown, something which could be the most painful thing ever to happen to me.

I was admitted to Maternity Triage, examined and I was about 4cm dilated. At this point, my contractions were still very frequent, but not unbearable. However, as time went on, my contractions slowed down completely, unless I was walking around. Hours and hours were spent walking the corridors of the hospital. The snow was falling outside the window, it was beautiful. We were a bit unsure as to what was going to happen at this point, there was no progression with contractions, but I was 6cm dilated, because of this, they couldn’t send me home.

Around 12pm they got the ‘OK’ to take me over to labour suite, they were going to break my waters. I wanted a water birth. It was the one thing I wanted more than anything. I kept begging my midwife to keep the pool free for me. We walked over to Labour suite, they took me into my room and we got settled in. At this point I was still completely fine, no pain relief, it wasn’t really hurting me at all. My waters were broken shortly after, if you’ve never had your waters broken, its like weeing yourself for a very long time, and you can’t control it. Then the contractions got stronger and way more painful, with tears in my eyes, I looked up at josh and with all of my energy screamed I needed Gas and Air. From that point on, I would not let go of it. I think this was the point I lost my dignity.

I then moved into the pool room, I hopped on in (well not literally), and from this point its pretty much a blur. Like I said, gas and air was my best friend, nothing else, which I’m very pleased to say! I do think I overdid it a little though, because it really was a blur. I gripped on to my mouthpiece like a precious diamond and panicked like a lost child in a supermarket when I let go. I pushed, panted, screamed like a whale, and finally felt this bulging pain had gone, he’d arrived! At 16:11 weighing 7lb 14, Harley-Ray Ian Marsh was welcomed into the world.

I would probably say the most unattractive part of the birth, even though its so beautiful, would definitely be post partum. I remember sitting in the pool, josh sat behind me holding Harley-Ray, and the midwife said I would now need to deliver the placenta. I had the choice of either staying in the pool, and waiting up to an hour, or climbing out and having the injection. Of course, after the birth, who really in their right mind wants to sit in that pool for another hour of pain. NOT ME.

I looked over to the bed, on the other side of the room, and thought to myself, as I looked down in to the pool to see the state, how am I ever going to get over there. The midwife brought the bed to the poolside (oh that sentence sounds so luxurious but I can assure you it actually looked like a massacre had taken place in the pool). I turned myself over, and prepared myself to climb on to the bed. I remember lifting myself up gripping on to the edge, and I honestly felt like everything was going to fall out. You know one of those moments you wish you had on camera? This was one, not a sight for sore eyes. Well and truly starkers,  climbed on to all fours and just stayed like that on the couch. Turned to face the midwife, everything hanging, and said ‘What shall I do now’…

It really is funny how your dignity just totally goes out of the window, a total stranger putting their hands near your nun, yeah no problem! (Sarcasm) The things we have to do ay!

Despite all of that, I can honestly say that was the best day of my life for sure.

The day my life was to change forever

It was a Thursday morning, a Thursday like no other. For a few days now I hadn’t been myself, I wasn’t sure why I just had this feeling in my tummy, something I had never felt before. I have to admit, I’m not one for remembering what date I’m due my period, I just go with it. But it had seemed to be an exceptionally long time since my last.

On the Wednesday, the day before, I had this rush of worry go through my body. What if? What if I really am pregnant. I went to Sainsbury’s, got my shopping in and brought myself a pregnancy test. I don’t know why, but I just felt like I should hide it, I went through self scan because what would she think if the lady at the checkout saw my pregnancy test. I have to laugh to myself now because writing it down sounds so silly!

I hadn’t mentioned anything to Josh, I kept my worry to myself, and was playing all the scenarios over in my head. I was only 19 years old, was I ready for this? Did I want this? What would Josh say?

The next 12 hours felt like a lifetime. I decided to wait to do the test till first thing in the morning. I didn’t really sleep that night. The sun was rising, I jumped out of bed and ran downstairs to the toilet. The longest 2 minutes of my life. I turned the result away from me, waited, and anxiously turned it back. No, it cant be? But it was, I was pregnant. A whole rush of feelings came over me as I put the cap back on the stick, and made my way up the stairs. Josh was lying there looking at me, I stood in the archway of our bedroom door and burst into tears. IM PREGNANT. I lay on the bed, both of us in shock, and he just held me in his arms.

The next few days were tough, I feel bad for saying it now because I wouldn’t change Harley-Ray for the world, but we weren’t sure if this was what we wanted. We had just a few weeks before booked a holiday for a month to travel Australia. We were still young, only 19 and 24 at the time. Are we ready for that responsibility or do we want to travel, see some of the world first?

We talked, for hours, about pretty much everything and anything. But we finally decided we were ready to start a new chapter. A decision, which I still say to this day, was the best one of our lives!

Me, Myself & I – My life before Harley.

I’m not one for planning my life out, I’m a great believer in everything happens for a reason, and we should just go with it.

I am one of two children to my mother (Sherolyn) and my father (Ian). I have an older brother Josh, who is also now a father, to my adorable niece Daisy. We come from a farming background, I’m not afraid to get my wellies on, get out in the yard and get stuck in!

When I was a little girl, I loved all things makeup, hair and fashion. Drawers full of makeup, a wardrobe rammed with clothes and shoes, or should I say a floordrobe, I never was one for a tidy bedroom (oops). I always knew Beauty would be something that I one day wanted pursue as a career.

My first job was a Saturday girl at a local salon in Nuneaton, Exclusively Yours. I worked there whilst studying. The staff there are my family, not literally, but they looked after me, they taught me so much, they were my shoulder to cry on, my girls to laugh with and they took me under their wings. For that I will be forever grateful. I graduated from college, worked there for a few years, before having a ‘midlife crisis’ as I call these moments, and deciding to change career totally.

It was then in 2016, I started my new career with British Airways, as Mixed Fleet Cabin Crew from London Heathrow. Life was a little crazy then, it had its ups, its downs, and I didn’t bloody know if it was Monday or Sunday. I have made memories to last a lifetime, met some of the most amazing people and travelled the world. What more could you ask for? The truth, this was probably the lowest point of my life. The time I should have been the happiest person, I was the saddest. I’m going to write a post about it soon, so I’ll tell my story of why…

It was around this time I met my love, the father of my child, Josh.

The Journey Begins

Welcome to my family.

Hi, I’m Luvena, A new mummy to my now 6 month old baby boy Harley-Ray. He was a surprise, a surprise I wasn’t sure if I was ready for, but now he’s the missing piece to our puzzle and our family is complete (for now).

As well as being a mummy, I’m a Makeup Artist and Beauty Therapist. I love all things makeup, beauty and fashion.

I’m fairly new to this, so it will be my little space to share my thoughts, feelings and stories along this journey I’m on.